


Beast of Burden

by dalidahmer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 23:18:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9791525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalidahmer/pseuds/dalidahmer
Summary: Hermione struggles to continue to keep her secrets from her friends during her 6th year. A litany of her problems begin to surface as it's difficult to keep a blanket over your entire life and juggle a dependency on substances. As her worst fears are realized, she begins to realize she underestimated her friends love and loyalty.





	1. Camel

A/N: This is a very Hermionecentric story and contains very graphic depictions of rape. It also covers sensitive topic issues such as sexual assault, and substance abuse. You have been warned.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I'm poor.  
\---

With decorated nick knacks tastefully displayed over shelves and newly painted walls accentuated by the still pictures of what seemed to be a normal muggle family. Any onlooker would have passed 1202 Tadworth Drive without a second thought. The air hung heavy under the smiling faces in the frames, where the Granger family sat on expensive furniture, painting a very different portrait.  
A somewhat older woman who would have been more attractive had her face not been flushed with her fourth drink that night, who's husband was sorrowfully breaking very terrible news to the couple's teenage daughter.  


Hermione's heart sunk to her stomach. Her knuckles were white from the grip she had on her chair. Her parents had just told her her brother was returning from a half way house, his mother had just commited suicide so the Grangers offered him board again. Hermione was screaming in her head so loudly she couldn't hear herself think. Crookshanks purred in her lap and looked upon her as if to figure out how to feel himself. Her breath quickened and her ears buzzed. Her expression was not lost on her parents.  
"Poppet, I understand how you feel," her father started carefully, and he awkwardly tried to place a hand on his daughter's shoulder. " This will not be like the last few times, I promise. I've installed locks on your doors," her father haphazardly reassured.  
Hermione scoffed, jumping from her seat that skidded roughly on the wooden floor underneath it. Crookshanks jumped off her lap and made a bee line towards her bedroom.  
"You can't possibly think, I'm going to be enduring this again! You promised, dad! You promised me you would only have him back home when I can stay with the Weasley's! You said after he turned 18 he wouldn't even be back here!" Hermione's fingers rushed to her eyes and frantically wiped away her tears. She felt almost certain she was beginning to have a heart attack.  
"Hermione, please don't start," her mother interjected as if her daughter were complaining about being told to do chores. "He has no where to go. What do you expect us to do? Your father has an obligation to both of you. It's just out of our hands!" Hermione's mother paused to take a gulp of her drink. She closed her eyes and massaged her hands over them, stopping at her scalp grabbing handfuls of hair. "Don't go making this anymore difficult for us. I'm sure the Weasley's will invite you over soon. Just stick it out until then. It won't be that bad."  
"But you know! You know what happens! You know how sick he is! Why--"  
"Stop it!" Hermione's mother interrupted banging her glass on the table. "We're not discussing this anymore, what else do you want us to do, Hermione? Robert will be here in an hour. You will only be here for a few months, if that. His mother killed herself, he's being released from a half-way house. He has no other family, like I said, we had no other choice."  
Hermione could do nothing to stop her tears at this point. "You could have taken him in or you could have turned him away!" Hermione was yelling at this point.  
Hermione's mum stood up, "don't you EVER take that tone with me! Do you think you're the only one who has to make sacrifices!? You get to go away for most of the year, Hermione. We are the one's stuck here dealing with this," she shouted gesturing between herself and Hermione's father. "When you're out flying on broomsticks and making love potions with your friends, we're here dealing with him. Do you think we want to be here?"  
c

Hermione stood with her jaw dropped. Though accustomed to her mother's dismissal of the severity of her daughters situation, the fact that she was outright being belittled and yelled at for protesting her brother living in her home set a fire of fury inside of her.  
"You have no idea what you're talking about! You have no idea how hard I work in school, or what I go through at Hogwarts! I don't need this mum!" Her voice steadily gaining volume to rival her mother's shouting.  
"OH, SO YOU THINK I DO?! LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE!" Hermione's mother finished her drink off and inhaled deeply. She paused to calm herself dawn while her daughter was conjuring more verbal ammunition in her head to quail her mother's pathetic attempts at shifting the blame onto her.  
"Hermione, I know that it's hard, I do. I understand that you're going through a lot, and your father has a lot of responsibility for that." Hermione's dad pushed his chair back and stomped out of the living room, and slammed the door in his wake. Her mum sighed, "we know it's hard, it's hard on all of us. It's even hard on him. He's troubled. We're doing our best to fix this within our family. You have so much, Hermione. We lived in an apartment when I was your age. Just focus on what you have going for you!" Her mother seethed.  
Hermione breathed hard through her nostrils, anger bubbled up inside of her. She felt like she was on fire,"So that's that then? You're going to sit here and drink yourself stupid while I have to try and negate an obstacle course of sexual harassment?" Hermione snapped venomously, she breathed hard to keep her voice steady amongst her hysterics, "You're inviting this into my life, to live in our home. Oh, I'm so sorry you have to drink, and work, and wallow in your own self pity. Mind you, it is absolutely BIZARRE that yourself is all you can think about while you're letting your own daughter get ra--"  
"SHUT UP!" Her mother harshly interjected. Hemione's jaw clamped shut as her eyes bored into her mother's murky green gaze. The older woman miserably collapsed into her chair and poured herself another drink. "Just go to your room," her mum demanded. She breathed in heavily, her lip quivering and she made a show of wiping her tears, "I'm not talking about this anymore, Hermione!" She finished her sobs were wracking her chest and she was shaking dramatically, ceasing suspiciously when she had to concentrate on something else, such as her loud pathetic wails. Her sobs broke occasionally with fragmented sentences aimed at no one in particular but blatantly intended for Hermione and possibly her father to here. "Why are you doing this to me?" she said crumpling herself into the corner "God see me through this." Her mother could keep this up for hours. She downed another drink.  
Hermione shook her head and rolled her eyes at the gratuitous display. She stomped up the stairs slamming her door closed behind her. She examined the locks her father mentioned. He had put five different ones on the inside of her door, as if her room was the only place she had ever been attacked.  
Hermione scoffed but locked every one in spite of herself, before she heard a knock on her door. Crookshanks was rubbing himself on her ankles and purring with a curious expression on his face.  
"Poppet?" Her father tried hesitantly, "darling, please. I'm not mad, I just want to... Hermione, can I come in?"  
Hermione stayed silent considering doing so. She inhaled deeply and let her breath out slowly and began to slam the dead bolts back, and only opened the door as far as the chain would allow it.  
"I'm so sorry, Hermione," he pleaded, through the door crack. Hermione glared back examining her father. His face looked flushed, ascewing his once charming features into a puffy mess of red blotches underneath graying neglected facial hair and wrinkles. He was hunched by the door way and his eyes were red and crying. He seemed quite a bit drunk himself. Though more timid and vulnerable than Hermione's mother, without the protection of his sober emotional abstinence.  
"So you're just going to drink your obligation away, too, I see?" She jabbed, bitterly as she echoed her mother's sentiments.  
Her father looked at his feet and began sobbing."His mother told me, 8 years ago her boyfriend had been molesting him." Mr. Granger bemoaned sorrowfully, " I thought I could help one of my kids. I didn't know that my little girl--" his uncontrollable wails cut off his sentence as he balanced himself on her door way and crumpled pitifully to the floor. "I didn't know what I was doing, baby, I'm so, so, so sorry," he finished miserably.  
Hermione slammed the door to disconnect the chain, startling her father in the process. She opened it and reemerged to crouch to her father's level and placed a hand on his back.  
"You know exactly what you're doing now, " Hermione reasoned, clinically void of emotion.  
Her father hugged her, "poppet, you don't ever have to forgive me. I'm so sorry, I love you, Hermione, I'm so sorry!" He wailed over and over again though his apology was too little too late, Hermione sighed and managed to convince the pathetic weeping blob in front of her door to get himself to bed.  
She turned back to her door, redid the locks and tried to fall asleep herself  


The next day Hermione paced around her room frantically, running across her room grabbing every piece of winter clothing she could find, dizzying Crookshanks who followed her movements with his head. She Layered several sports bras, undershirts, and sweaters underneath each other and managed to get three leggings on underneath her skirt in anticipation for today. She has not seen her brother since the summer after her 3rd year, and her father left to pick him up an hour ago. She couldn't sit still, thoughts and memories flashed like lightening across her mind's eye clashing one after the other like a hurricane in her brain.  


Her door knob turned violently and Crookshanks hid under her bed and hissed. Hermione halted mid-way across the room. She covered her mouth with her hands and stayed deathly still to listen outside the door. She almost made a move for her wand, but stopped dead in her tracks. Hermione was not of age, what if she was expelled? What if she had to deal with this for another year without taking refuge at Hogwarts?  
She took a deep breathe and mustered every tiny ounce of courage she had in her that seemed to disappear with every lock she unturned. Finally, she opened the door at chain length and met Robert's gaze.  
A tall stocky young man approaching 25, with acne scars, and brown eyes stepped into view. His smile was warm and would have fooled anyone who hadn't been subjected to his brutality before. He whipped an arm out to make a point of the tension and yanked the door practically out of Hermione's hands, the chain lock snapping out of its screws.  
Hermione swore for letting him get the better of her, and darted a few feet backwards. He slammed her door shut, malignantly grinning as he snapped each lock shut curtly. Stopping to wink at Hermione right before the last lock sealed her fate.  
Hermione's breath was caught in her throat, sweat beaded at her forehead and soaked through the first two layers of Hermione's undergarments. She suddenly felt like she weighed a million stones.  
"There's my girl," He said lowly, you could practically hear his grin maliciously punctuating the statement.  
He stalked towards her, slow as torture. Hermione took a step back for every one he took forward until she was cornered against the wall.  
"Aww..." Robert pouted, "that's my hello?"  
"Enough! Don't! JUST DON'T!" Hermione screamed, she was trying with everything in her to make her voice loud enough to grab her parents attention.  
Her brother was chuckling at her desperation. Robert screamed at the top of his lungs. "You'd think those two were as deaf as they were drunk," he said, his voice now quite a bit more hoarse. His footsteps had stopped. He was now towering over Hermione and she whimpered pathetically and melted into a weak sniveling ball of submission in the corner of her bedroom.  
"You've filled out since I last saw you," He crouched over her.  
Hermione was almost crawling up the wall, her hand shakily hovering over the wand in her back pocket. "But I want to get to that, later," Robert was almost completely against her now, he made a hand towards her ass and grabbed her wand. Hermione couldn't hold back a sob as he held it in front of her.  
"Want to show me some tricks, love," He mocked moving her wand between her legs, making Hermione tense. She stared at the wall and began picturing herself at school, or the Weasleys. He jerked her wand back and Hermione was more or less a stone; ambivilant as he snapped it in half and threw it across the room. He returned his hands under her clothes.  
"Cute," He said gesturing his hands inbetween the fabrics of her shirts, toying with them over his sister's squirms lifting shirt upon shirt clinging to skin and sweat over Hermione's waifish figure. He was so close his cologne burned her eyes. Hermione returned to the moment and felt heartbroken as she saw her wand in pieces on the ground. Robert was almost to her last shirt.  
"DAD!" Hermione screamed hopelessly.  
"DAAAAD!!!" Robert competed, the echo of the front door shutting rung in Hermione's ears and she began crying.  
"I thought you were the bright one, Mione? It's just you and me for as long as they can avoid it," he said deliberate and condescending. He stood up, extending a hand to help up his sister which she rejected. He pulled her up by the throat of her lifeline turtleneck sweater.  
" Do you really think this would stop me? Don't get cute, it doesn't suit you. You'll be a lot happier this summer if you would just quit being such a stubborn bitch. You gave everything to me, Mione, EVERYTHING. Don't you ever forget that." He said each word he spoke more driven by his insanity than the last. He peeled the sweater off of her while she struggled beneath him like a fly in the claws of a house cat.  
Hermione's eyes darted across the room, the Grangers lived in a country house with no neighbors for at least 5 miles. No one but her parents could hear them. She grew more panicked and her lip trembled as she tried to stifle her sobs. Robert grabbed her by the shirt and kissed her roughly before pushing her back against the wall.  
"I want to see you in something practical by dinner time, you'd do well to mind me." He said, leaving his sister to sob alone in the corner of her room.  
Hermione was a shaky mess and her whole body shook as she cried. Crookshanks crawled out from her bed and curled himself on her lap after the stairs stopped creaking under Robert's weight, and she was brought back to sense.  
She gathered herself up to her door and repeated locking it several times. This just wasn't fair! Her mind was shouting. Hermione sat on her bed at a loss. It was as if the walls of her life were slowly closing in on her and there was no way out. The only option Hermione felt she ever had was to endure. At least for a few weeks.

\---  
Hermione hid in her room for most of the day. Eventually need for water and the toilet made her realize she couldn't stay holed up in there forever. Hermione could hear her family assembling for dinner downstairs. She decided to take her chances Valley of the Dolls style and popped a few pills.  
Hermione's mother supplied her with a few weeks supply of Xanax. At first Hermione told her mother where she could shove them, but upon thinking about it apologized and graciously took the bottle.  


Perhaps she could make herself not care or forget this summer entirely. Hermione counted her pills and wondered how many she would have to take to die. She shut her eyes and thought about Ron and Harry, and how many people Harry had lost. She knew she couldn't do that to her dearest friends.  
She took two of the pills and stuffed the rest away. She had to give this to the muggles, she thought. No potion has ever compared to this feeling. The storm inside her head began to clear. Terrifying thoughts about Robert and hurting herself settled to the back of her brain like snowflakes. A bang at her window startled her, but as she went to investigate the sound she almost squealed in delight as she opened the window for Pig.  
Hermione,  
How's your summer going? Do you think you're going to come stay with us soon? Ginny is probably looking forward to some estrogen in this house. Harry came over earlier this week. I know we're just a few weeks into summer, but we usually hear from you within the first three days! Let us know when you're ready to come over, you know we can't do Snape's summer assignments without you.  
Ron

She clutched the letter in her hands and dashed to the kitchen. Her father was picking at his meal and gulping dark liquid from his tumbler. Her mother was pouring another drink herself and rolled her eyes and sighed when she saw Hermione. "Just lock your doors, for Chrissake! I told you I didn't want to hear any more protests from you, Hermione." She slurred before her daughter could speak to her.  


"No, mum. Look!" Hermione said shoving the note in her face. Her mother strained to focus on it, but ultimately looked relieved. "See? All is well, I'll take you in the morning."  
" I just got to see you!" Robert whined, getting both his sister's and step mother's attention.  
"Well, off to bed then! Busy day tomorrow. Take care, poppet. I'll see you next summer." Her father said very much rushed to kiss the top of her head and rushed up the stairs. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. He couldn't get out of there fast enough.  
The door to her father's study shut hastily and Robert cleared his throat to demand the Granger women's attention, "maybe I ought to take you, Mione?" Robert grinned menacingly. Her mother's eyes were wide and she took another sip of her drink.  
"Robert, either your father will, or I will," she spat.  
Hermione's heart quickened in her chest. Her mother could not, or more accurately would not defend her for much longer, and it was very probable at worst she would just provoke him.  
"I'll talk to dad about it in the morning," Robert threatened, his tone and mention of his father reminded Hermione quite a bit of Malfoy.  
Ms. Granger avoided his gaze and sheepishly sipped from her glass. "Hermione, come with me, there's something I want to give you. I'll see you in the morning, Robert," she said. Surprising her daughter as she grabbed her arm and successfully shewed her brother up to his room and pulled Hermione into hers.  
"Well, you're welcome," snapped her mother bitterness dripping through her tone as she closed and locked her door behind them.  
Hermione's expression soured, had her mother expected a 'thank you'?  
"I got this for you, love," she said, changing her demeanor before her daughter could reliate and held out an orange bottle that rattled as she pulled it off of the shelf and gave it to her daughter. "I had a friend at the chemist of our practice fill these for you. I can get more when you need them, I can owl them to your school. Just one more night here. One more night and I promise we will take you to the Weasley's. Take one and try to sleep."  
Hermione examined the bottle, it was a month's worth of xanax. Hermione sighed, she supposed her mother meant well. "Thanks, mum," she said softly, "I'm going to bed now."

\---  
She went to brush her teeth before bed. Perhaps she could make it through tonight without any-- the shower curtain violently ripped away before she could finish her thought. Robert jumped out of the tub and jumped her. Hermione's forehead hit the sink and her stomach hit the tile of the bathroom as Robert forced himself on top of her.  


Hermione screamed loudly but no one came, no one ever came. They both knew their dad and Hermione's mum would ignore screams as they ignored bruises. They both knew she was completely powerless. Until she could use her magic outside of school there were not a lot of options in front of Hermione, even then, she didn't even have a wand.  
He ripped off her shirt and through three bras, "Cute," he growled, "really cute. You're going to regret that. You know better!"  
Hermione could feel her lip quiver. Her head was bleeding slightly and her ears were ringing. Her body was like silly putty being tossed, and manipulated by Robert. She tried to grab his hands away in protest, but he was so much stronger than she was.  
"Shhh, be a good girl, baby. You're always gonna be my good girl, right?" Robert was panting a bit at the effort it took to restrain and force Hermione, but persevered.  
Hermione avoided looking at his face, or body, or her reflection in the spotless shine of the bathroom fixtures, or tiles, or mirrors for that matter. She willed herself to be somewhere else. His taunts, touching and probing blurred together and soon it began to feel as though she was listening to his voice underwater.  
She imagined herself on adventures with Harry and Ron, in her favorite chair in the Gryffindor common room, watching her friends play a quidditch match at the Burrow, with Ginny at the three broomsticks. She was anywhere else but here. She can't feel, see, or hear anything in her immediate surrounding. That's when she meets herself in the bathroom mirror. Then still it is like she was present and could physically touch things, but she was not there. It was like a dream.  
The contrast of the reflection of reality made the fog of her happier daydreams dissipate. Even when she met the gaze of this pitiful brown eyed girl in the mirror it felt like watching a different person on television. But this was her reflection looking at her from behind her brother's naked back. She was almost lucid again by the time Robert violently forced her to kiss him and pulled himself off.  
He helped his sister up, shushing her and rubbing her back as she cried and doctoring the wound on her forehead. "You should really be more careful, love, what are you going to tell your little magic friends?" Robert said speaking as if nothing had just happened. He looked upon her, almost as if he was admiring a lovely picture he had just painted.  
Hermione stayed silent. Robert looked annoyed, "no matter, we'll come up with something when I drop you off tomorrow. He said winking at her. Hermione collected her discarded clothing and bottle of xanax from the sink counter. She popped two, and went off to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: All right, I'm probably going to be spending the rest of my evening editing the rest of this story. I completed it last night and have been posting it as I edit. I'm hoping to have it up in it's entirety in a few weeks. Favs are great, follows are good, and reviews would make for a much speedier posting.

000

The next morning Hermione was jolted awake at a knock at her door. "Who is it?!" Hermione cringed at her voice. It was so panicked and pathetic.

 

"It's me, poppet. I can give you a lift to the Burrow this morning, hurry, we need to get going now." The voice came from her father.

 

Hermione unlocked the door and was greeted by both her father and brother. She threw her father an expression and he shrugged sadly.

 

"Can't I come, Mione? I want to meet your friends. Maybe see these two boys who are looking after my sister at school all year, eh?" His voice was so saccharine, it made her sick. He never broke her gaze as he helped her father hoist her trunk. Hermione could have punched that smug smirk off of his face.

 

"Just help me with this trunk, Robert. Leave your sister alone." Robert dropped the side of the trunk he was lifting and stomped off downstairs. Hermione took his place helping her father. After they loaded her trunk Hermione went upstairs to get Crookshanks. Her door slammed closed and she saw Robert holding pieces of her broken wand.

 

"Abracadabra!" He teased pointing it at her and slamming the door behind them. Crookshanks hissed inside his cat carrier.

 

"Why do you do this?" Hermione demanded her voice whilted somewhat crestfallen. She didn't feel scared anymore... she just felt exhausted of these antics, and it pained her to think she'd have to look her friends dead in the eye fresh after a rape.

 

"Because you're mine." Robert smiled handing the pieces of her wand back to her and wrapping his arms around her snaking his hands down her body as he forcibly hugged his sister. Hermione recioled under his touch and began to squirm.

 

"You've gotten so big, love. I'm jealous to have to share you," Robert whispered, and leaned in close to her. His breathe felt hot on her skin, and Hermione's stomach sunk with repulsion. "Or your sweet little pussy," he finished dangerously.

 

A loud croak of disgust was omitted from Hermione's throat and she shoved him off of her, "you're disgusting!" She shouted, grabbing the halves of her wand from him. Robert looked like he was about to retaliate but her father intruded into the room. He looked worried. He didn't look at his son or say anything, but he took Hermione's cat and escorted his daughter out.

 

oooo

 

"Are you okay?" He started hesitantly as the two descended at the stair cas. Hermione made a bee line to the car and her father held Crookshanks tight as he jogged after her.

 

"I haven't been okay, in a really long time dad." Hermione answered bitterly examining her wand as she was placing her seat belt over her lap. It was snapped in half and she had tears prickling her eyes.

 

"I'll transfer some money into your Gringotts account, you can get yourself a new wand before the summers over." Her father said, and Hermione could only nod.

 

Hermione felt better after they were in the car. The ride was silent, and her father kept looking like he wanted to say something. By the time they arrived at the Burrow Hermione was beaming.

 

"Wait, poppet!" Her father said and he took out an orange bottle. "Your mum got some more of these for you." Hermione felt a twinge of relief. The less reasons she has to owl home the better.

 

"Owl us if you need anymore." Said Mr. Granger and he awkwardly patted his daughter on her shoulder. Hermione casually shrugged him off and darted toward the Weasley's without telling him goodbye.

 

Arthur and Ron greeted them. Hermione stuffed the bright orange bottle in her purse and practically flew out of the car and hugged Ron as tight as she could.

 

"Good to see you, too." He laughed, hugging her back.

 

Arthur came to help her father unload her trunk, "Mr. Weasley! Could I perhaps talk to you for a moment?" He asked signaling away from her and Ron.

 

"How has your summer been?" Ron asked leading her to Ginny's room. "It's a lot better now." Hermione said honestly.

 

oooo

 

"Hermione! Ginny squealed as she dashed towards her friends. The girls hugged briefly.

 

"It's good to see you! What happened to your head?" Ginny beamed. Hermione touched the scab on her forehead from colliding with the sink last night.

 

"It's good to see you, too. Er, I went out with a few of my old muggle friends and ran into a tree after one too many," Hermione lied coolly. " Have you heard from Harry?"

 

Ginny shrugged and became visibly melancholy at the mention of him. "Dad says Dumbledore is supposed to be bringing him here. Figured it was more safe, I suppose."

 

"I suppose..." Hermione echoed surveying her friend.

 

"What?" Ginny demanded.

 

Hermione sighed, "do you suppose he's safe? I hate it when he can't owl."

 

Ginny nodded, "I know what you mean. No telling what those awful relatives of his are up to.

 

"How are things between you and him?" Hermione treaded carefully on the subject.

 

"Come on, I've largely gotten over that. I'm seeing Dean anyway..." Ginny muttered the last bit and braced herself for a reaction.

 

"I suppose you have, but I also think you wouldn't need to be wasting your time with Dean if you would just be yourself in front of Harry." Ginny rolled her eyes, she has heard this lecture before.

 

` "Really, Hermione. I am over him. I like Harry a lot, don't get me wrong. I just can't imagine dating him, though!" Ginny sounded genuine, and Hermione was surprised to feel a touch of relief at this.

 

"Mum wants us to help with lunch, also, we're going to see Fred and George's shop today. They openned last week but I haven't seen it yet. I'm really just excited to be able to use the toilet or have a chocolate frog without worrying about being poisoned or something exploding at me." Ginny said bitterly.

 

"Sounds lovely, I'll be needing to get supplies soon." Ginny looked like she was going to reply but abandoned her speech and stared straight into the kitchen instead. Hermione followed her gaze.

 

"Harry!" Hermione shouted and ran to hug her other best friend. "Hey, Hermione!" Harry wrapped his arms around her and she returned the favor, kissing him on the cheek as she pulled away.

 

"What happened to your head?" Harry asked, Hermione sighed and repeated the story she gave Ginny.

 

oooo

 

"Tuck in, tuck in, we have a lot to get done today. Harry dear! So wonderful to have you!" She rushed Harry to a seat and began piling sandwiches on his plate. "You look so famished, do those muggles ever feed you? Sit, eat! You, too Hermione! You're almost nothing, eat!" Harry did gratefully, Ginny, Hermione and Ron all took seats with him.

 

Hermione gratefully ate her sandwich. Her appetite returning without being hovered over and groped at by her brother during a meal.

 

As the meal came to an end, Ginny motioned towards the windows. "Oh God, I hadn't even realized it was almost time to recieve our. O.W.L.'s. Oh no, I failed I know I failed." It felt nice to worry about her school work, Hermione thought as she examined her O.W.L. and stared at the folded envelope in her hands. "Ron, could you..." Hermione asked, and her friend obliged rolling his eyes. cccc

 

"You got 10 O's in everything. Gee, fancy that." Ron's voice dripcped with sarcasm and he handed his friend her results back, and she was able to let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

 

The remainder of the afternoon was spent consoling Harry, after he failed to meet the requirements for auror training, and Hagrid came to escort them through Diagon Alley as per Dumbledore's request. The boys and Hermione strolled through the cobblestone streets and collected their books for the new year, Hermione was strolling through Diagon Alley with a black eye compliments of the Weasley twins.

 

To their credit they gave her the paste to remove it free of charge at their shop. It felt thick and oily and was uncomfortably making her eyelashes stick together. She was starting to look like a battered wife, Hermione thought bitterly, brushing her fingers over the wound on her forehead.

 

Hermione asked if they would catch up to her while she ducked into Ollivanders really quick.

 

"What happened to your wand, Hermione?" Ron asked with concern when she showed her friends the fragmants of one of her most prized positions.

 

"Well..." Hermione began reluctantly before she was cut off.

 

c  
"What a pleasant surprise, Weasel, pothead, and mudblood. Who beat you up, Granger? I want to buy them flowers!" There was a groan shared by the group as Malfoy approached them.

 

"Fuck off, Malfoy!" Ron said.

 

Malfoy looked like he was about to start something, but was pulled away by Narcissa. Harry and Ron looked as if they werec about to tease, but Hermione tugged them both into the wand shop in not in an unsimilar way.

 

The shop was dusty boxes of wands piled up amongst each other, and it smelled of moth balls and soot. There was a small crowd of soon to be first years waiting to get their wands, a small boy with brown hair was being extinguished after he accidentally ignited a fire on his first try. Harry looked antsy and was gazing towards the door. Hermione offered for Harry and Ron to go on without her.

 

"Meet us back here in about half an hour." Ron said as he hurried off to get the rest of their school supplies with Harry in tow.

 

"Hello, dear. What can I do for you today?" Ollivander greated warmly, as the last first you in front of her darted out, still trailing smoke from the remainders his burned clothing.

 

"Well... I wanted to see if anything could be done about this. I understand they're difficult to fix. " Hermione said as she placed the pieces of her broken wand on the counter.

 

"Oh no! Who snapped it?" Ollivander asked examining her wand.

 

"No one," She denied timidly.

 

"Of course somebody did. I can tell by the fragmants. This was a deliberate break." He argued innocently.

 

"Can you fix it?" Hermione asked impatience shrilling her voice.

 

"I'm afraid not, dear. These are difficult to fix, however I did recieve a shipment of wands from walnut. I think one even has dragon heartstring at its core. Give me a moment, I think I have some good matches for you."

 

Hermione began testing out wands and almost 20 minutes later she had in her possession an 11", vine, with pheonix feathers. She walked out of the shop swirling ribbons of pink smoke that that trailed into the air from her wand to see how she liked it. It did feel nice in her hands, though It saddened her to have to let go of her old wand. She held on to the fragmants for sentimental reasons.

 

"That one's nice." Ron commented approaching her.

 

Hermione pocketed it. "Thanks, what are you two up to?" She asked eyeing the invisibility cloak in Harry's hands.

 

"We're going to follow Malfoy." He told her bluntly, as the three scrambled underneath his cloak. Hermione smiled to herself. Things felt as normal as they could be. So much so, when Hermione would sleep that night, she ommitted her medicine.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just want to apologize really quickly for the formatting. I don't understand the html and stuff very well. I just wanted to get this posted.

Hermione woke up several hours early. She groaned at the glaring red numbers on her alarm clock. Sleep was futile at this point. It was 5 am and the thought of getting out of bed and getting dressed made her physically ache. What little sleep she got was haunted by Robert.   
She shook her head trying to physically rid herself of those thoughts. She dug through her chest and unpacked her potions and benzos. Not using them tonight was a very stupid idea. swallowing a pill with an alertness potion. She readied herself for the day, and by the time she tied up her shoes she noticed an immense relief of her dread. As if heavy clouds of secrets, lies, and dissociative coping mechanisms were clearing away for a bright and shiney sun.   
Her mind flashed quickly over to the 30+ xanax tucked away in her trunk, again. Hermione figured the extra hours to herself would be well spent after all. Hermione halfed a pill and took out a prepetuation draught she had been working on during sleepless nights over the summer.   
She first read about the drought in her third year, she had picked up the specific potion recipe from a book in diagon alley. Though without practice, Hermione had done a lot of reading on potion alteration, and developed a theory when she saw it required ground horehound and ashweed extract, which was commonly fused with other substances, commonly cannabis or opiates, to prolong the individual highs. After doing some research on muggle benzodiazepams at home, Hermione came up with a theory.  
She took one pill, and snapped the bar in half, disappointed that she could already feel her previous dose wearing off. Hermione popped it into her potion and the liquid hissed and turned purplebb. She tested her potion with a needle that dissolved as bsoon as it came into contact. 'Here goes nothing,' She thought and knocked back a gulp. She was surprised when the effects of the xanax hit her immediately. She glanced at her watch and realized 2 and half hours flew by during her experiment, though she allowed herself a few minutes to enjoy her brilliance.  
"What is that, Hermione?" Ginny asked groggily. Hermione started frantically tossing her paraphernalia into a small old wooden box. "Nothing! It's for, heartburn!" Hermione muttered quickly. She cringed as she noticed her words were slurring.   
Ginny lifted an eyebrow. "O...kay. Well, it's good you're ready. We're taking off to the platform.   
00000  
The train ride was pleasantly uneventful. Hermione spent most of it staring off into the window. It felt like it only took a few moments. She excused her behavior by claiming to be tired, and fell asleep while Harry ranted about his theory of Malfoy becoming a death eater. Ron brushed it off, and the two got into an argument as Hermione's eyelids slammed over her glazed dialated orbs.   
She awoke and went through the motions of the feast. She had trouble paying attention to most things. Luckily, the excitement of new potions masters and the upcoming wizarding war were enough to distract her friends from her bizarre behavior. Hermione didn't remember being on the train, or at the feast, or the prefects meeting, or going up to her dorm.   
In fact when she woke up in her bed in the Gryffandor girls dormatory she was completely perplexed as to how she got there. She knocked back a purple potion that was waiting for her on her nightstand, and saw she fell asleep in her robes. When she looked at her watch she realized she had almost missed breakfast and ran down the girls stair case.  
oooooo  
"Aren't you going to eat any breakfast, Hermione?" Hermione looked up from her potions essay revision. Harry was startled by the glaze in her eyes. His eyebrows were wrinkling his forehead in... concern?   
Hermione's head lulled up. She had not anticipated her potion being so potent. If she wasn't so heavily sedated she would have chided herself for being so reckless as to take it on her first day of school. Hermione fumbled through her breakfast, and eventually spilled pumpkin juice all over herself and Ron. Ron and Harry exchanged glances as Hermione simply lazily stared at the mess.   
Ron was stricken by his friend and stared at her staring at the mess.   
"Scrugify," Harry muttered breaking his red headed friend out of his trance and followed suit repairing Hermione's goblet. "Hermione, what has gotten into you? You're acting like a complete loon. HERMIONE!" Ron yelled, his face turned red as he began to panic, she was nodding off Harry pulled her back from falling face first in her scrambled eggs.   
"HERMIONE!?" Harry and Ron whispered harshly together but heads were beginning to turn.   
"What do you suppose is wrong with her?" Ron panicked.  
"Dunno, she seemed off last night, too... Do you suppose Malfoy has something to do with it?"   
"Will you get off that?" Ron hissed, as he picked his friends head out of her porridge.   
Harry examined her goblet and food, and suspiciously eyeing the passer by's. "This just doesn't seem right..." He said suspiciously, they were on either side of her and holding her up.   
"Let's take her to the hospital wing." Ron suggested and began to help her get up when Hermione became lucid enough to understand her situation.  
"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night!" Hermione began slurring quickly, her speech only alarming her friends more. "Really, guys please don't make me go," she pleaded. She knew she didn't want to go to the hospital wing but she wasn't sure she cared either way.   
"Hermione! You can barely walk!" Ron hissed he and Harry began rushing her out of the great hall with her feet limping in between them before the breakfast crowd had gotten any bigger.  
As soon as they got to an empty hall, Hermione begged her friends to let her sit down and not take her to the hospital wing and swore she would be better.  
What's wrong with your eyes?" Harry asked, his tone softer than Ron's.  
"I'm not sure? How do you mean?" Hermione asked.   
Harry stopped and examined her, "you look like you can barely keep them open. They're dialated." He stated.   
"Yeah, your eyelids are drooping. Are you still sick from last night?" Ron asked.  
"I was sick last night?" Hermione asked, straining to remember. She resumed walking and stumbled quite a bit. Harry and Ron both caught her and exchanged glances. Hadn't she been so heavily sedated Hermione would have felt quite embarrassed. Is she just going to be an expose and sabotage the 6 years she's spent convincing her friends her life was perfectly fine, today?   
"Hermione, you must have fallen four times. You had trouble speaking. You were nodding off then, too." Harry informed as the boys sat either side of her on the stair case.   
Hermione responded by staring off into space.   
"Hermione, what is wrong?!" Ron demanded, bewildered, as he helped Harry hoist her up.   
"Hermione is there something you're not telling us?" Harry asked, he looked as puzzled as his red headed accomplace.   
"No, no, no. I tell you guys everything, you know that. Please, breakfast is almost over and I don't want to be late for potions first day." Hermione cleared her throat, she was slowly becoming more alert. She noticed she had to pay quite a bit of attention to her voice, though. It sounded eerily like her mothers slurs. "I promise, I'm just quite tired."   
" Hermione what's really going on?" Ron demanded, unconvinced.  
"Nothing, nothing! Guys, I have really just been stressing over the revisions of all of my essays I wrote this summer! I'm very tired," both her friends looked skeptical.   
Hermione, exasperated, poured herself into the potions class room, and trudged over to a seat. Harry and Ron sat on either side of her, still trying to put the puzzle of her behavior together in their minds.   
"Everything is fine. Does your scar still hurt, Harry?" Hermione asked slurring lazily a bit as she tried to change the topic. Harry touched his forehead, curiouser and curiouser, this girl.   
"Er, no. It hasn't hurt in a few weeks, Hermione."  
"Right well, we can talk about it at lunch." Hermione said as Slughorn dominated the attention of the class room. Harry and Ron, seated flabbergasted at their friends bizarre behavior.  
oooo  
The trio were a little late to potions, as Harry and Ron kept having to escort Hermione, who, much to the boys chagrin, absolutely refused to be taken to the hospital wing.   
When they got into the classroom, Slughorn took points away and told Harry and Ron to get text books from an old cupboard.  
"Who is that guy?" Hermione whispered knitting her eyebrows together in confusion as she gestured towards Slughorn.   
"Are you joking? That's Slughorn." Ron said  
"Hermione, I told you guys all about him last night. You asked the same thing then." Harry said, he was starting to get more than a little afraid and started develope a theory in his mind involving a possible death eater and polyjuice potions.  
The class ended before Hermione even noticed it started, but she seemed to be mostly unnoticed. She meekly followed behind her friends before they bumped into their old dungeons master Hermione's heart quickened. If there was a teacher she should be terrifed to be high in front of, it was Snape. Her former potions master absolutely would not take kindly to her being on drugs in school.   
"As Harry may have told you, I will be seeing him once a week to train him in occulemency. I'm sure he informed the two of you of his connection with the dark lord." Hermione was certainly paying attention now and did not like where this was going.   
"You're not going to read our minds? We have no mental connection with Voldemort!" Hermione panicked.  
Snape snapped his head towards her, "better me than a real death eater, miss Granger. When one does, and if you intend on continuing aiding Mr. Potter, as I'm sure you foolishly do, then you better know how to do this when that time comes. And it will. Legilimens is as routine in death eater interrogation as the Cruciatus." He warned. "After the feast, I will see the three of you. As you know, I don't tolerate tardiness." He stormed off his cloak bellowing behind him.  
"I have to get to the library!" Hermione said and darted off through the hall before Harry and Ron could say or do anything.  
Hermione spent the rest of Herbology at the library researching legilimency and occlumency. She was heartbroken to find the only way to thwart the spell successfully was months and years of practice. Tears fell from her face. What if he found her memories?   
oooo  
Hermione miraculously breezed through the rest of her classes without incident. cursed by her own genius, she had yet to be fully sober by the time lunch rolled around. She was able to form coherent memories again. It was jarring to her that she had forgotten almost an entire day. She decided to only take one sip in the mornings instead of an entire ounce.  
How she would deal with Snape was also going through her mind, what if he knew about the drugs? Could she be expelled? Would he find out about Robert... 'Maybe just one more pill. Just for good measure. Snape was going to find out, anyway. She could function much better on just one, and would never underestimate how powerful they were again.  
It was almost like the part of her brain which craved these tablets was a seperate entity from herself. Constantly nagging in the back of her brain and lying to her.   
oooo  
Hermione kept her composure going into the great hall and found a seat adjacent to her best friends who looked about as apprehensive about their situation as she did.  
"Mate, I dunno how I feel about Snape reading my mind. What if I get banned from the quidditch team for using the Felix Felicis?" Ron said, panic cracked his voice as he started to worry about losing his position on the team.  
Harry shook his head, "it was Dumbledore's idea. Hermione did you--HERMIONE!" Harry snapped. Both Ron and Harry motioned towards each other, as if to make sure they were seeing the same thing.   
Hermione was nodding off in her tea and barely pulled her eyes back open. "Hmm?" She said lazily.   
"Are you even listening to us? You've been acting since we got here!" Ron accused.  
"Mad how?" Hermione pondered, her voice changed. She sounded as dreamy as Luna.   
"You're nodding off." Harry pointed out to her. "You don't seem like yourself at all. I think maybe you should see Pomfrey. This is the THIRD time, Hermione. It has been two days. We're worried." He actually made sure he could spot Malfoy at the Slytherin table, when he spotted him he wondered to himself if anyone else could be impersonating his friend.  
Hermione shook her head. "I'm sorry, I am out of sorts. I just haven't been feeling well and I'm worried Snape will kick me out of Hogwarts," she admitted honestly.   
Ron and Harry laughed as if she had just made a joke. "Hermione, I think he'll be more upset with me cheating off you than you doing our homework. Even I'm not that worried about it." Ron said.   
Hermione started crying,"no, no. This is serious. What if he finds out I've been doing drugs here?" Harry spit out what he was drinking and Ron stared ahead in confusion before he started laughing.   
"You really had me going, Hermione. Really though, what's wrong?" Ron asked, his grin falling from his face when Hermione didn't say anything.  
"You don't do drugs, Hermione." Ron said flatly, before his face went pale, "You don't, do you?"   
Hermione froze. Confession time? Well... maybe just partially?   
"Are you really on drugs, Hermione? Is that what's wrong with you?" Harry's sentences got quicker as more and more dots started connecting.   
"It's xanax. It's a muggle drug for anxiety. My mum got me a prescription from the chemist at my parent's practice. Maybe I won't be in trouble because they're mine? I don't even know if the wizarding world classes drugs the way muggles do? I mixed it with Prepetuation Draught. There's nothing about the legality of doing so in anything I've read. Hogwarts a History has banned several illegal potions, but that was centuries before benzo's were even invented." Hermione said, comforting herself more than her friends.   
Ron was perplexed, Hermione had said dentists were teeth healers, what did they have to do with anxiety?   
"Well, I don't know if he will kick you out for that. My aunt Petunia takes those. That would explain... everything." Harry said careful to not offend his friend. "Perhaps not take them before classes, Hermione?" Harry's tone was more passive than earlier but there was still a mothering undercurrent Hermione noticed. Still, she felt relieved and agreed. 

oooo

They walked to the dungeons together, after the feast. Hermione was feeling a lot more lucid after eating. Harry suggested she had some coffee, which she was surprised to find countered her nodding off quite a bit.   
Hermione smiled, she was surprised at how accepting her friends had remained towards her after finding out about abusing her medication this afternoon. Everything seemed so normal. Would they be as accepting about other things? She mused and tugged on the hem of her sleeve... no, not everything, she decided.   
"I take it you all understand why you're here," Snape started, his voice cool and low. The three nodded.   
"Legilimens, the act of magically navigating one's mind." He paused and looked at Hermione. He had expected her to interject to show off what she had read. He was almost surprised as she simply stared at her feet. "And it's counter. Potter, do you know what I'm talking about?" The question and Snape's gaze were aimed at Harry but everyone in the room looked at Hermione, who hanged her head silently.   
"No sir," Harry said when he decided Hermione was not herself at all today.  
"Occlumency. Magically closing your mind to penetration. All I can stress is that you keep your emotions to yourself. Fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves, idiots who cannot control their emotions and wallow in sad memories. Their minds will be penetrated with remarkable ease. I don't expect any of you to be able to thwart my power, let alone Voldemorts. We will start quickly. Granger, you first."   
"Please sir, no." Hermione begged, her voice cracking.  
"Foolish girl! Do you think a death eater would be thwarted so easily? Did you think I would? Collect yourself, Ms. Granger! Panic has no place in this art. I would expect you to know that!" Snape lectured coldly, holding his wand to her head. Hermione was hit and zapped by the light of his wand before she could draw and the spell went right through her foolish attempts to shield herself with her arms.  
'You should have known better.' Her mind chided.  
There was a bright flash and a happy 3 year old Hermione Granger giggled as her toys were flying in her room on their own as her parents frantically tried to ground them.   
Another flash and a tearful sobbing 5 year old Hermione was being screamed at by her mother. "HERMIONE, TELL ME YOU'RE LYING THAT IS NOT SOMETHING WE LIE ABOUT! HERMIONE, YOUR BROTHER JUST LOVES YOU, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION YOU ARE NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME AND YOUR FATHER!--" the woman faded as the Hermione in the memory fainted. But the vision is jolted back awake being shaken, "AM I BORING YOU?!" screamed her mother.  
A 7 year old Hermione disrobed in front of a acne ridden teenage boy.  
"Remember what I showed you, last year? Our special game?" The young man asked, he closed Hermione's door behind them. "Want to play secrets?" He said getting on top of his sister whether she wanted to or not.   
Another flash and Hermione was back in the bathroom at 16. Snape saw everything. As Hermione's brother pulled her layers of clothes off, and as he got on top of her, Hermione's pleads stopping all together, her eyes clear as glass boring into a wall as the light from them vanished into Hermione's fantasy world of escapism.  
Hermione felt a jolt and oddly grew much colder as reality came back to her, she was shaking and sobbing. She never told anyone before. She did as her parents said, and expected that no one would even believe her, but what choice did her professer have but Snape wouldn't bring this up, would he? Is he going to make fun of her or tell Harry and Ron? Hermione looked at her professor who's jaw hung wide open his arm still outstretched pointing his wand to her, which he lowered shakily.   
Ron looked between the two, and Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape.  
Snape's eyes were wide and his eyebrows knitted together on his forehead as he tried to think of something to say, and he was frowning. She wasn't quite sure what to make of his response. Snape opened his mouth to say something but instead sat down and looked at Hermione piteously.   
Hermione had to look down to notice her hands were shaking violently, she wrapped them around Harry and willed herself to stifle her sobs. Ron looked on her with concern and confusion, as Harry clumsily patted Hermione on the back. Having a silent conversation with Ron asking if either had a clue about what was going on. Harry and Ron did not need legelimens to know what the other was thinking.  
They turned to Snape.  
"What did you do?" Harry hissed, breaking out of Hermione's arms as he stepped towards Snape, his hand hovering over his wand.   
Hermione thought her professer practically looked like another person. He was still as a statue as he mournfully gazed at Hermione, and his desk in front of him. It was a very grounding moment, Snape's loss for words were comfortingly humanizing.   
"Hermione?" Harry said, pleading for answers as she started to sob more violently. Ron delicately placed an unsure hand on Hermione's shoulder. When she didn't reject it, he pulled her into a hug. She realized she was becoming quite hysterical, she wanted to stop herself.  
"Hermione?" Harry tried again, more carefully "What happened?" He looked between her and Snape suspiciously.   
"What did you do?" Harry asked their professer again, he moved his arm instinctively to his wand, which his professer disarmed swiftly and wordlessly.   
"ENOUGH!" Snape shouted, standing up and earning silence from his students. The boys were still glaring daggers. "That's enough for today, I will see you tomorrow. Get out, you idiots! Ms. Granger, not you!" He shouted as Hermione had already thrown her bag over her shoulder and was turning for the doors before anyone else could get up. Her heart was beating thousands of times a minute.  
"Hang on, we're not just going to leave her here," Harry defended, stepping in front of her.   
"Noble as that may be, Potter," Snape drawled, Hermione felt the mood soften as her professer's shock wore off and he returned to his self. "I need to talk to Ms. Granger about her--"   
"It's fine." Hermione affirmed, boldly interrupting Snape. He was raising an eyebrow at her and making a mental note to find another opportunity to punish her for cutting him off. Of course, at a much less delicate time.   
She put her hand on Harry's arm extended in front of her and pushed passed his way. "I'll talk with him. It's, ok guys," she said softly.   
Harry still looked unsure.   
"We're waiting up, Hermione. You'll talk to us?" Harry pleaded, he had a feeling this would be difficult to drag out of his friend. Hermione has been able to hide a lot from them before.   
Hermione sighed,"I promise Harry, it probably is nothing that you're thinking." Neither of the boys seemed consoled. Both of her friends stayed silent. "Okay, I'll explain tonight, just go," she promised.   
Defeated they both turned to leave, Harry made one last glance between his friend and professor before he picked up his wand and vanished into the castle's empty hallways behind Ron.  
Hermione felt herself start to cry again as the doors closed behind Harry. She absolutely refused to turn and face professor Snape again. She isn't even sure if she would be able to look him in the eye after what he had just seen. Her face began to turn bright red as she realized he had seen her completely naked in compromising situations. The thought made her sobs more violent.   
"Ms. Granger, can I ask you to look at me?" Snapes voice was stern but was much less cold than usual. Hermione turned around to face him. Her cheeks turned red and she felt absolute mortification at the fact he had seen her naked.   
"Ms Granger..." Snape started, he lacked the air of malice surrounding him fading. "Never in my years of teaching have I came across this situation. I never thought..." Snape may as well have been speaking in a different language. He had no idea how to confront such a serious issue so unrelated to spying or Voldemort. With one of Harry Potter's best friends, no less. Hermione failed to hold her gaze and ashamedly stared at the floor.   
"Are you removed from this situation now?" Hermione wouldn't look at him.  
"Miss Granger, this is serious." She still couldn't move her head up, it's like her face were poked full of fish hooks that were anchoring her gaze to the floor.  
"If I have to assume you're still in danger I am a mandatory reporter--"  
"No! Not now. Not while we're still so close to war, no one has time to handle a muggle domestic case, professer." Hermione spoke bold through her tears.   
Snape's jaw would have dropped if he weren't so keen on his body language. It took even him quite a lot to hold back his threats of points deducted and detentions at her tone.   
"I'll remind you of your place and who you're talking to, Ms. Granger! You are my student and I will not allow this to continue. I understand the world is a bit preoccupied, but that will never be an excuse to allow this sort of abuse to continue. I assume your parents know?"   
Hermione nodded.   
" Have you ever had some sort of medical attention or intervention from an adult in your life?"   
"This is the first time that's happened, sir." Hermione started crying, "please, we can't prove this to muggle authorities. I have no idea what to do, either. I'm in my 6th year, just one more summer."   
Snape bit his tongue, he felt disgust boil up inside of him, "if your parents are protecting your brother and allowing him to--" Snape stopped at the sign of his students lip quivering. None of his students have ever trusted him with intimate details of their turmoil. And they would normally be smart not to.   
"I take my job as your professer and a mandatory reporter seriously, Ms. Granger. I have a responsibility for your safety as long as you go to school here. I won't tolerate one of my students being..." Snape trailed off and diverted his eye contact from Hermione as he shook his head.   
Hermione nodded, understanding. "I appreciate your concern, sir. I have one more summer, is that really going to make much of a difference?" Hermione said forlorn.  
Snape frowned, "I won't let that happen, Ms. Granger. It would be wise to stop arguing with me. I will talk to McGonagall. I encourage you to, as well." Hermione said nothing in response and with the conversation at a standstill Snape dismissed her.  
"I think you should also should discuss this with Madam Pomfrey in the morning. Tell your idiot friends their lessons will resume tomorrow. Depending on what happens when I report your entire family, I expect to at least see you in about a week. If you're ever going to master this skill, you're going to have to stop wearing your heart and your problems on your sleeve. I will also advise you to never stand before me intoxicated again." He warned and nodded towards the door. "Ms. Granger," Snape said. Hermione turned around. "Take care of yourself." He said, almost softly.   
"Thank you, professor," Hermione said. exiting the dungeons. Hermione couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself after she had walked a few yards away from Snape's classroom at the concern Snape had expressed to her. She supposed the old git's heart grew 3 sizes that day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think I'm just going to go ahead and post this. I'm very rapidly considering giving up on this story. I'll see if anyone likes it. I might delete it. Idk. I'll just see what happens here.

Hermione woke up several hours early. She groaned at the glaring red numbers on her alarm clock. Sleep was futile at this point. It was 5 am and the thought of getting out of bed and getting dressed made her physically ache. What little sleep she got was haunted by Robert.   
She shook her head trying to physically rid herself of those thoughts. She dug through her chest and unpacked her potions and benzos. Not using them tonight was a very stupid idea. swallowing a pill with an alertness potion. She readied herself for the day, and by the time she tied up her shoes she noticed an immense relief of her dread. As if heavy clouds of secrets, lies, and dissociative coping mechanisms were clearing away for a bright and shiney sun.   
Her mind flashed quickly over to the 30+ xanax tucked away in her trunk, again. Hermione figured the extra hours to herself would be well spent after all. Hermione halfed a pill and took out a prepetuation draught she had been working on during sleepless nights over the summer.   
She first read about the drought in her third year, she had picked up the specific potion recipe from a book in diagon alley. Though without practice, Hermione had done a lot of reading on potion alteration, and developed a theory when she saw it required ground horehound and ashweed extract, which was commonly fused with other substances, commonly cannabis or opiates, to prolong the individual highs. After doing some research on muggle benzodiazepams at home, Hermione came up with a theory.  
She took one pill, and snapped the bar in half, disappointed that she could already feel her previous dose wearing off. Hermione popped it into her potion and the liquid hissed and turned purplebb. She tested her potion with a needle that dissolved as bsoon as it came into contact. 'Here goes nothing,' She thought and knocked back a gulp. She was surprised when the effects of the xanax hit her immediately. She glanced at her watch and realized 2 and half hours flew by during her experiment, though she allowed herself a few minutes to enjoy her brilliance.  
"What is that, Hermione?" Ginny asked groggily. Hermione started frantically tossing her paraphernalia into a small old wooden box. "Nothing! It's for, heartburn!" Hermione muttered quickly. She cringed as she noticed her words were slurring.   
Ginny lifted an eyebrow. "O...kay. Well, it's good you're ready. We're taking off to the platform.   
00000  
The train ride was pleasantly uneventful. Hermione spent most of it staring off into the window. It felt like it only took a few moments. She excused her behavior by claiming to be tired, and fell asleep while Harry ranted about his theory of Malfoy becoming a death eater. Ron brushed it off, and the two got into an argument as Hermione's eyelids slammed over her glazed dialated orbs.   
She awoke and went through the motions of the feast. She had trouble paying attention to most things. Luckily, the excitement of new potions masters and the upcoming wizarding war were enough to distract her friends from her bizarre behavior. Hermione didn't remember being on the train, or at the feast, or the prefects meeting, or going up to her dorm.   
In fact when she woke up in her bed in the Gryffandor girls dormatory she was completely perplexed as to how she got there. She knocked back a purple potion that was waiting for her on her nightstand, and saw she fell asleep in her robes. When she looked at her watch she realized she had almost missed breakfast and ran down the girls stair case.  
oooooo  
"Aren't you going to eat any breakfast, Hermione?" Hermione looked up from her potions essay revision. Harry was startled by the glaze in her eyes. His eyebrows were wrinkling his forehead in... concern?   
Hermione's head lulled up. She had not anticipated her potion being so potent. If she wasn't so heavily sedated she would have chided herself for being so reckless as to take it on her first day of school. Hermione fumbled through her breakfast, and eventually spilled pumpkin juice all over herself and Ron. Ron and Harry exchanged glances as Hermione simply lazily stared at the mess.   
Ron was stricken by his friend and stared at her staring at the mess.   
"Scrugify," Harry muttered breaking his red headed friend out of his trance and followed suit repairing Hermione's goblet. "Hermione, what has gotten into you? You're acting like a complete loon. HERMIONE!" Ron yelled, his face turned red as he began to panic, she was nodding off Harry pulled her back from falling face first in her scrambled eggs.   
"HERMIONE!?" Harry and Ron whispered harshly together but heads were beginning to turn.   
"What do you suppose is wrong with her?" Ron panicked.  
"Dunno, she seemed off last night, too... Do you suppose Malfoy has something to do with it?"   
"Will you get off that?" Ron hissed, as he picked his friends head out of her porridge.   
Harry examined her goblet and food, and suspiciously eyeing the passer by's. "This just doesn't seem right..." He said suspiciously, they were on either side of her and holding her up.   
"Let's take her to the hospital wing." Ron suggested and began to help her get up when Hermione became lucid enough to understand her situation.  
"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night!" Hermione began slurring quickly, her speech only alarming her friends more. "Really, guys please don't make me go," she pleaded. She knew she didn't want to go to the hospital wing but she wasn't sure she cared either way.   
"Hermione! You can barely walk!" Ron hissed he and Harry began rushing her out of the great hall with her feet limping in between them before the breakfast crowd had gotten any bigger.  
As soon as they got to an empty hall, Hermione begged her friends to let her sit down and not take her to the hospital wing and swore she would be better.  
What's wrong with your eyes?" Harry asked, his tone softer than Ron's.  
"I'm not sure? How do you mean?" Hermione asked.   
Harry stopped and examined her, "you look like you can barely keep them open. They're dialated." He stated.   
"Yeah, your eyelids are drooping. Are you still sick from last night?" Ron asked.  
"I was sick last night?" Hermione asked, straining to remember. She resumed walking and stumbled quite a bit. Harry and Ron both caught her and exchanged glances. Hadn't she been so heavily sedated Hermione would have felt quite embarrassed. Is she just going to be an expose and sabotage the 6 years she's spent convincing her friends her life was perfectly fine, today?   
"Hermione, you must have fallen four times. You had trouble speaking. You were nodding off then, too." Harry informed as the boys sat either side of her on the stair case.   
Hermione responded by staring off into space.   
"Hermione, what is wrong?!" Ron demanded, bewildered, as he helped Harry hoist her up.   
"Hermione is there something you're not telling us?" Harry asked, he looked as puzzled as his red headed accomplace.   
"No, no, no. I tell you guys everything, you know that. Please, breakfast is almost over and I don't want to be late for potions first day." Hermione cleared her throat, she was slowly becoming more alert. She noticed she had to pay quite a bit of attention to her voice, though. It sounded eerily like her mothers slurs. "I promise, I'm just quite tired."   
" Hermione what's really going on?" Ron demanded, unconvinced.  
"Nothing, nothing! Guys, I have really just been stressing over the revisions of all of my essays I wrote this summer! I'm very tired," both her friends looked skeptical.   
Hermione, exasperated, poured herself into the potions class room, and trudged over to a seat. Harry and Ron sat on either side of her, still trying to put the puzzle of her behavior together in their minds.   
"Everything is fine. Does your scar still hurt, Harry?" Hermione asked slurring lazily a bit as she tried to change the topic. Harry touched his forehead, curiouser and curiouser, this girl.   
"Er, no. It hasn't hurt in a few weeks, Hermione."  
"Right well, we can talk about it at lunch." Hermione said as Slughorn dominated the attention of the class room. Harry and Ron, seated flabbergasted at their friends bizarre behavior.  
oooo  
The trio were a little late to potions, as Harry and Ron kept having to escort Hermione, who, much to the boys chagrin, absolutely refused to be taken to the hospital wing.   
When they got into the classroom, Slughorn took points away and told Harry and Ron to get text books from an old cupboard.  
"Who is that guy?" Hermione whispered knitting her eyebrows together in confusion as she gestured towards Slughorn.   
"Are you joking? That's Slughorn." Ron said  
"Hermione, I told you guys all about him last night. You asked the same thing then." Harry said, he was starting to get more than a little afraid and started develope a theory in his mind involving a possible death eater and polyjuice potions.  
The class ended before Hermione even noticed it started, but she seemed to be mostly unnoticed. She meekly followed behind her friends before they bumped into their old dungeons master Hermione's heart quickened. If there was a teacher she should be terrifed to be high in front of, it was Snape. Her former potions master absolutely would not take kindly to her being on drugs in school.   
"As Harry may have told you, I will be seeing him once a week to train him in occulemency. I'm sure he informed the two of you of his connection with the dark lord." Hermione was certainly paying attention now and did not like where this was going.   
"You're not going to read our minds? We have no mental connection with Voldemort!" Hermione panicked.  
Snape snapped his head towards her, "better me than a real death eater, miss Granger. When one does, and if you intend on continuing aiding Mr. Potter, as I'm sure you foolishly do, then you better know how to do this when that time comes. And it will. Legilimens is as routine in death eater interrogation as the Cruciatus." He warned. "After the feast, I will see the three of you. As you know, I don't tolerate tardiness." He stormed off his cloak bellowing behind him.  
"I have to get to the library!" Hermione said and darted off through the hall before Harry and Ron could say or do anything.  
Hermione spent the rest of Herbology at the library researching legilimency and occlumency. She was heartbroken to find the only way to thwart the spell successfully was months and years of practice. Tears fell from her face. What if he found her memories?   
oooo  
Hermione miraculously breezed through the rest of her classes without incident. cursed by her own genius, she had yet to be fully sober by the time lunch rolled around. She was able to form coherent memories again. It was jarring to her that she had forgotten almost an entire day. She decided to only take one sip in the mornings instead of an entire ounce.  
How she would deal with Snape was also going through her mind, what if he knew about the drugs? Could she be expelled? Would he find out about Robert... 'Maybe just one more pill. Just for good measure. Snape was going to find out, anyway. She could function much better on just one, and would never underestimate how powerful they were again.  
It was almost like the part of her brain which craved these tablets was a seperate entity from herself. Constantly nagging in the back of her brain and lying to her.   
oooo  
Hermione kept her composure going into the great hall and found a seat adjacent to her best friends who looked about as apprehensive about their situation as she did.  
"Mate, I dunno how I feel about Snape reading my mind. What if I get banned from the quidditch team for using the Felix Felicis?" Ron said, panic cracked his voice as he started to worry about losing his position on the team.  
Harry shook his head, "it was Dumbledore's idea. Hermione did you--HERMIONE!" Harry snapped. Both Ron and Harry motioned towards each other, as if to make sure they were seeing the same thing.   
Hermione was nodding off in her tea and barely pulled her eyes back open. "Hmm?" She said lazily.   
"Are you even listening to us? You've been acting since we got here!" Ron accused.  
"Mad how?" Hermione pondered, her voice changed. She sounded as dreamy as Luna.   
"You're nodding off." Harry pointed out to her. "You don't seem like yourself at all. I think maybe you should see Pomfrey. This is the THIRD time, Hermione. It has been two days. We're worried." He actually made sure he could spot Malfoy at the Slytherin table, when he spotted him he wondered to himself if anyone else could be impersonating his friend.  
Hermione shook her head. "I'm sorry, I am out of sorts. I just haven't been feeling well and I'm worried Snape will kick me out of Hogwarts," she admitted honestly.   
Ron and Harry laughed as if she had just made a joke. "Hermione, I think he'll be more upset with me cheating off you than you doing our homework. Even I'm not that worried about it." Ron said.   
Hermione started crying,"no, no. This is serious. What if he finds out I've been doing drugs here?" Harry spit out what he was drinking and Ron stared ahead in confusion before he started laughing.   
"You really had me going, Hermione. Really though, what's wrong?" Ron asked, his grin falling from his face when Hermione didn't say anything.  
"You don't do drugs, Hermione." Ron said flatly, before his face went pale, "You don't, do you?"   
Hermione froze. Confession time? Well... maybe just partially?   
"Are you really on drugs, Hermione? Is that what's wrong with you?" Harry's sentences got quicker as more and more dots started connecting.   
"It's xanax. It's a muggle drug for anxiety. My mum got me a prescription from the chemist at my parent's practice. Maybe I won't be in trouble because they're mine? I don't even know if the wizarding world classes drugs the way muggles do? I mixed it with Prepetuation Draught. There's nothing about the legality of doing so in anything I've read. Hogwarts a History has banned several illegal potions, but that was centuries before benzo's were even invented." Hermione said, comforting herself more than her friends.   
Ron was perplexed, Hermione had said dentists were teeth healers, what did they have to do with anxiety?   
"Well, I don't know if he will kick you out for that. My aunt Petunia takes those. That would explain... everything." Harry said careful to not offend his friend. "Perhaps not take them before classes, Hermione?" Harry's tone was more passive than earlier but there was still a mothering undercurrent Hermione noticed. Still, she felt relieved and agreed. 

oooo

They walked to the dungeons together, after the feast. Hermione was feeling a lot more lucid after eating. Harry suggested she had some coffee, which she was surprised to find countered her nodding off quite a bit.   
Hermione smiled, she was surprised at how accepting her friends had remained towards her after finding out about abusing her medication this afternoon. Everything seemed so normal. Would they be as accepting about other things? She mused and tugged on the hem of her sleeve... no, not everything, she decided.   
"I take it you all understand why you're here," Snape started, his voice cool and low. The three nodded.   
"Legilimens, the act of magically navigating one's mind." He paused and looked at Hermione. He had expected her to interject to show off what she had read. He was almost surprised as she simply stared at her feet. "And it's counter. Potter, do you know what I'm talking about?" The question and Snape's gaze were aimed at Harry but everyone in the room looked at Hermione, who hanged her head silently.   
"No sir," Harry said when he decided Hermione was not herself at all today.  
"Occlumency. Magically closing your mind to penetration. All I can stress is that you keep your emotions to yourself. Fools who wear their hearts on their sleeves, idiots who cannot control their emotions and wallow in sad memories. Their minds will be penetrated with remarkable ease. I don't expect any of you to be able to thwart my power, let alone Voldemorts. We will start quickly. Granger, you first."   
"Please sir, no." Hermione begged, her voice cracking.  
"Foolish girl! Do you think a death eater would be thwarted so easily? Did you think I would? Collect yourself, Ms. Granger! Panic has no place in this art. I would expect you to know that!" Snape lectured coldly, holding his wand to her head. Hermione was hit and zapped by the light of his wand before she could draw and the spell went right through her foolish attempts to shield herself with her arms.  
'You should have known better.' Her mind chided.  
There was a bright flash and a happy 3 year old Hermione Granger giggled as her toys were flying in her room on their own as her parents frantically tried to ground them.   
Another flash and a tearful sobbing 5 year old Hermione was being screamed at by her mother. "HERMIONE, TELL ME YOU'RE LYING THAT IS NOT SOMETHING WE LIE ABOUT! HERMIONE, YOUR BROTHER JUST LOVES YOU, HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION YOU ARE NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME AND YOUR FATHER!--" the woman faded as the Hermione in the memory fainted. But the vision is jolted back awake being shaken, "AM I BORING YOU?!" screamed her mother.  
A 7 year old Hermione disrobed in front of a acne ridden teenage boy.  
"Remember what I showed you, last year? Our special game?" The young man asked, he closed Hermione's door behind them. "Want to play secrets?" He said getting on top of his sister whether she wanted to or not.   
Another flash and Hermione was back in the bathroom at 16. Snape saw everything. As Hermione's brother pulled her layers of clothes off, and as he got on top of her, Hermione's pleads stopping all together, her eyes clear as glass boring into a wall as the light from them vanished into Hermione's fantasy world of escapism.  
Hermione felt a jolt and oddly grew much colder as reality came back to her, she was shaking and sobbing. She never told anyone before. She did as her parents said, and expected that no one would even believe her, but what choice did her professer have but Snape wouldn't bring this up, would he? Is he going to make fun of her or tell Harry and Ron? Hermione looked at her professor who's jaw hung wide open his arm still outstretched pointing his wand to her, which he lowered shakily.   
Ron looked between the two, and Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape.  
Snape's eyes were wide and his eyebrows knitted together on his forehead as he tried to think of something to say, and he was frowning. She wasn't quite sure what to make of his response. Snape opened his mouth to say something but instead sat down and looked at Hermione piteously.   
Hermione had to look down to notice her hands were shaking violently, she wrapped them around Harry and willed herself to stifle her sobs. Ron looked on her with concern and confusion, as Harry clumsily patted Hermione on the back. Having a silent conversation with Ron asking if either had a clue about what was going on. Harry and Ron did not need legelimens to know what the other was thinking.  
They turned to Snape.  
"What did you do?" Harry hissed, breaking out of Hermione's arms as he stepped towards Snape, his hand hovering over his wand.   
Hermione thought her professer practically looked like another person. He was still as a statue as he mournfully gazed at Hermione, and his desk in front of him. It was a very grounding moment, Snape's loss for words were comfortingly humanizing.   
"Hermione?" Harry said, pleading for answers as she started to sob more violently. Ron delicately placed an unsure hand on Hermione's shoulder. When she didn't reject it, he pulled her into a hug. She realized she was becoming quite hysterical, she wanted to stop herself.  
"Hermione?" Harry tried again, more carefully "What happened?" He looked between her and Snape suspiciously.   
"What did you do?" Harry asked their professer again, he moved his arm instinctively to his wand, which his professer disarmed swiftly and wordlessly.   
"ENOUGH!" Snape shouted, standing up and earning silence from his students. The boys were still glaring daggers. "That's enough for today, I will see you tomorrow. Get out, you idiots! Ms. Granger, not you!" He shouted as Hermione had already thrown her bag over her shoulder and was turning for the doors before anyone else could get up. Her heart was beating thousands of times a minute.  
"Hang on, we're not just going to leave her here," Harry defended, stepping in front of her.   
"Noble as that may be, Potter," Snape drawled, Hermione felt the mood soften as her professer's shock wore off and he returned to his self. "I need to talk to Ms. Granger about her--"   
"It's fine." Hermione affirmed, boldly interrupting Snape. He was raising an eyebrow at her and making a mental note to find another opportunity to punish her for cutting him off. Of course, at a much less delicate time.   
She put her hand on Harry's arm extended in front of her and pushed passed his way. "I'll talk with him. It's, ok guys," she said softly.   
Harry still looked unsure.   
"We're waiting up, Hermione. You'll talk to us?" Harry pleaded, he had a feeling this would be difficult to drag out of his friend. Hermione has been able to hide a lot from them before.   
Hermione sighed,"I promise Harry, it probably is nothing that you're thinking." Neither of the boys seemed consoled. Both of her friends stayed silent. "Okay, I'll explain tonight, just go," she promised.   
Defeated they both turned to leave, Harry made one last glance between his friend and professor before he picked up his wand and vanished into the castle's empty hallways behind Ron.  
Hermione felt herself start to cry again as the doors closed behind Harry. She absolutely refused to turn and face professor Snape again. She isn't even sure if she would be able to look him in the eye after what he had just seen. Her face began to turn bright red as she realized he had seen her completely naked in compromising situations. The thought made her sobs more violent.   
"Ms. Granger, can I ask you to look at me?" Snapes voice was stern but was much less cold than usual. Hermione turned around to face him. Her cheeks turned red and she felt absolute mortification at the fact he had seen her naked.   
"Ms Granger..." Snape started, he lacked the air of malice surrounding him fading. "Never in my years of teaching have I came across this situation. I never thought..." Snape may as well have been speaking in a different language. He had no idea how to confront such a serious issue so unrelated to spying or Voldemort. With one of Harry Potter's best friends, no less. Hermione failed to hold her gaze and ashamedly stared at the floor.   
"Are you removed from this situation now?" Hermione wouldn't look at him.  
"Miss Granger, this is serious." She still couldn't move her head up, it's like her face were poked full of fish hooks that were anchoring her gaze to the floor.  
"If I have to assume you're still in danger I am a mandatory reporter--"  
"No! Not now. Not while we're still so close to war, no one has time to handle a muggle domestic case, professer." Hermione spoke bold through her tears.   
Snape's jaw would have dropped if he weren't so keen on his body language. It took even him quite a lot to hold back his threats of points deducted and detentions at her tone.   
"I'll remind you of your place and who you're talking to, Ms. Granger! You are my student and I will not allow this to continue. I understand the world is a bit preoccupied, but that will never be an excuse to allow this sort of abuse to continue. I assume your parents know?"   
Hermione nodded.   
" Have you ever had some sort of medical attention or intervention from an adult in your life?"   
"This is the first time that's happened, sir." Hermione started crying, "please, we can't prove this to muggle authorities. I have no idea what to do, either. I'm in my 6th year, just one more summer."   
Snape bit his tongue, he felt disgust boil up inside of him, "if your parents are protecting your brother and allowing him to--" Snape stopped at the sign of his students lip quivering. None of his students have ever trusted him with intimate details of their turmoil. And they would normally be smart not to.   
"I take my job as your professor and a mandatory reporter seriously, Ms. Granger. I have a responsibility for your safety as long as you go to school here. I won't tolerate one of my students being..." Snape trailed off and diverted his eye contact from Hermione as he shook his head.   
Hermione nodded, understanding. "I appreciate your concern, sir. I have one more summer, is that really going to make much of a difference?" Hermione said forlorn.  
Snape frowned, "I won't let that happen, Ms. Granger. It would be wise to stop arguing with me. I will talk to McGonagall. I encourage you to, as well." Hermione said nothing in response and with the conversation at a standstill Snape dismissed her.  
"I think you should also should discuss this with Madam Pomfrey in the morning. Tell your idiot friends their lessons will resume tomorrow. Depending on what happens when I report your entire family, I expect to at least see you in about a week. If you're ever going to master this skill, you're going to have to stop wearing your heart and your problems on your sleeve. I will also advise you to never stand before me intoxicated again." He warned and nodded towards the door. "Ms. Granger," Snape said. Hermione turned around. "Take care of yourself." He said, almost softly.   
"Thank you, professor," Hermione said. exiting the dungeons. Hermione couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself after she had walked a few yards away from Snape's classroom at the concern Snape had expressed to her. She supposed the old git's heart grew 3 sizes that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few more chapters written but I don't even think I want to edit and post them at this point. I'm pretty disheartened tbh

The morning of the funeral McGonagal apparated the trio a block away from the funeral home  
"Professor Snape will escort you three back at the end of the funeral. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you, Ms. Granger?" Mcgonagal asked kindly.   
Hermione shook her head. "I'll be fine, Harry and Ron won't leave my side, I'm sure."   
Hermione took a breath before she entered.   
"You all right?" Harry asked concerned.  
"I'll be fine, let's just make our appearance. This could get very messy, I don't know if it's a good idea." Hermione whipped out her pill bottle, "I can't go without one." She admitted."   
"I dunno if we can, either." Harry half joked, but he narrowed his eyes at his friend, "just one."  
Hermione nodded. "I promise half for each of you won't do much." She said, extending her hand.  
Harry hesitated and Ron was surveying the wake.  
"Which one is he?" Ron eyed the mourners darkly.  
"Who?" Hermione asked.  
"Robert," Ron said through clenched teeth.   
Hermione spotted him in a crowd and could see him narrow his eyes at her. Ron and Harry followed her gaze and met her brother's unbeknowest to her.  
"Is that him? That pock marked pedophile in the corner?" Ron asked, Hermione stayed silent and her friends each grabbed a pill from her hand and popped it in their mouths.   
They were approached by a wobbly woman in her early 40's who sat down in tears next to her daughter. Hermione joined her at a table and nodded at Harry and Ron to follow. "How could you Hermione? We were taking care of it as a family." She asked sorrowfully making a show of her tears.  
Ron started to stand up from the table and Harry's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?! How could you let your daughter get raped for 11 years?" People gasped and began to murmur.  
"Don't make a scene." Hermione begged.   
"No, she's not going to blame you for this." Ron said. Harry was silent but looked upon Hermione's mother with a glare so hateful it was alien to Hermione.   
"Why did you come, Hermione? Look at the mess you made!" Her mother said.   
Harry and Ron both made a move to speak but Hermione tugged on their shirts to pull them back, "It's not worth it, you two. Mum, I never wanted this to happen you know that."   
"Goddamnit, Hermione! You had one more year! Was it worth tearing this family apart?! Are you happy now? Do we not go through enough." Her mother said.   
"Jean, you're at your husband's funeral, control yourself!" Hermione's grandmother chided.   
Ron and Harry stared murderously at her mother as other mourners came to chastise Hermione's mother for her behavior.   
"This was a disaster, I just want to see my father one last time and leave." Hermione said, grabbing her friends hands and leading them into a room with her father's ashes. She had prepared a note stating she had forgiven him.   
Harry sighed sadly, this entire week his heart had been breaking for his brilliant friend. His shoulders weighed heavy knowing the world has been paying so close attention to his problems that his poor friend had been overlooked completely for the past 11 years.

He thought of all the times Hermione had been by his side, and all the times he thought she was unimportant. His heart sunk a little deeper to his stomach and he promised himself he was going to see her through this. No matter how ugly this got, he knew he and Ron would never leave her side now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag.   
Hermione surveyed the urn, and took out her letter. Harry peeked at the cursive laden parchment she placed on top of the urn.   
I forgive you.  
It was all it said. Harry placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and Hermione kissed her fingertips and placed them on the cool metal material. She stood up and nodded at her friends and walked towards the door leading to the rest of the mourners.  
She put her letter of anger and forgivness in the casket and gave her father another look before turning back to her friends sighing. "Let's go before--  
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Hermione jumped 10 feet in the air as she felt a hand on her shoulder Harry quickly pushed his way in front of her and Ron joined as she clasped a hand over her mouth, not wanting to attract mourners who were all trying to stifle the scene Hermione' smother was making and argued over who was going to drive her home.  
"Don't speak to her, you're not stronger than us." Ron warned darkly, Robert narrowed his eyes at his sister. 

"STOP! Do you want to have to obliviate the entire wake?" Hermione chastised Ron as he pointed his wand at robert. "This is enough! I paid my respects let's leave!" She demanded.   
Ron and Harry felt like cement when Hermione tried to tug them away. They were both narrowing their eyes at Robert with their wands raised. Hermione felt panic as her mother barged in. She had been jogging after her step son.   
"Mione, Robert, please... This is my husband's funeral don't do this. Don't make a scene." Hermione's mother pleaded, Harry slammed the door leading out of the room and placed a chair in front of the door knob.  
"No please, not now.Let's go," Hermione begged.   
Ron started to turn away, and Harry made a move to lower his wand.  
"Looks like your boyfriends are jealous," Robert said his voice cocky and patronizing. Ron didn't wait for another excuse before he laid his fist hard into Robert's face.  
"RON!" Hermione screeched. Her first thought was to run away and remove herself and her friends from this situation. Her second thought was that she was of age. Hermione looked back at her brother who was in a full on fist fight with Ron. Hermione muttered a silent incantation before anyone else's attention was caught.  
Hermione stepped towards her brother Ron had just pulled off of him. He was bloody and his face was swelling. Ron was panting and shaking, Hermione has never seen Ron like this before. She cringed at the angry monsters she was afraid she turned her friends into at this moment.   
Hermione watched Robert fumble to get up, "oh... oh, you think you're tough now that you have your little boyfriends to back you up?" He said desperately. "Hermione, you're better than that, you can't hurt me."   
"I warned you, not to fuck with me when I turned of age." Hermione said coldly.   
Harry and Ron were both taken aback, hearing such an obscenity from Hermione's mouth almost made them feel like they've never heard that word in their lives.   
"You're going to leave me alone, Robert," Hermione demanded lifting her wand in his direction.  
"Come on, Mione. Where's my sweet innocent baby sister that used to love me so?" Hermione remained like stone unwavered at his pitiful manipulations, and that pissed Robert off very much, "with the sweet, sweet pussy." He added getting up and staring directly into Harry and Ron's eyes challenging them.   
Red sparks were flying out of Harry's wand which he was pointing at Robert.   
"Sectumsempra!" Harry yelled and with a slight crackle the red sparks from Harry's wand formed a beam that hit Robert directly in his chest and his skin broke apart as if he was just stricken with several invisible piano wires. Robert screamed at the sight of his blood.  
"I told you not to mess with that spell, Harry!" Hermione screeched and began to panic before there was a loud pop of apparition. "We can't kill him!" She panicked.  
Harry and Ron looked upon Harry's victim apathetically. Harry pulled Hermione away from her brother and hugged her as she hid her face in his chest.  
Hermione's mother looked on the scene horrified, she was completely scared out of her theatrics, and there was a loud pop of apparition.   
Snape stood before them and examined Harry's victimwho he immediately recognized from Hermione's memories that was likely to scar his own forever. He pulled his wand out, without a single word he knelt by Robert and softly sang a spell Hermione recognized as Vulnera Sanentur.  
"Professor, please. He antagonized us, I shouldn't have done this myself. I know this is very--"   
"Silence, Granger!" Snape interrupted Harshly.  
"Hermione, please! I'm sorry I teased you, I just love you. Please don't do this to me!" Robert begged.   
"You will be silent! I know exactly who you are and what you did, I do not tolerate abuse towards my students. We can make the world forget about what we do to you," Snape threatened menacingly, he extended a hand to his students to apparate them away.   
"Is this how you get to the top of your classes, are you fucking your professors, too?" Robert shot, deliberately staring at Snape who made a dramatic swooping movement with his wand and Robert was knocked back down and withered in pain. He huddled in the fetus position as Snape let up the silent curse. Hermione recognized the same angry gleam in his eyes he had when he dueled Lockhart in their second year.   
Robert sputtered, and groaned as he tried to regain his composure. "Are you lot allowed to do this? Attack innocent people without the ability to defend themselves?" Robert said. He was shaking violently and coughing up blood. He moaned again and struggled to even pick up his head. Hermione scoffed and Snape lifted his wand back up causing Robert to recoil in horror.   
Hermione got in between them. "Robert, you've taken everything from me! Everything! You have no idea who these people are, you have no idea what they're capable of and they're just here to defend me from you! You completely destroyed my life!" Hermione yelled, Ron and Harry looked on carefully.   
All three wizards had their wands drawn and she could hardly recall a moment when Harry and Ron looked so murderous. Robert was even debating whether or not he should keep smarting off but was beginning to see sense.   
"Obliviate!" Hermione shouted pointing her wand at her brother's head.   
"Hermione what is wrong with you?" Her mother whispered through her tears. "Why have you started all of this?" She pleaded.   
Everyone's attention turned to Hermione's mother as she finished her spell on Robert. She drew her wand back and pointed it at her mother.  
"Put that thing down and talk to me! I am your mother! What did you do to Robert? God, Hermione don't make a mess. It's just us. Talk to mummy, baby." Her mother pleaded.   
"Hermione, please. We're family." Mrs. Granger tried again when Hermione was unmoved by her begging.  
Hermione lifted her wand and whispered the incantation again, reducing her mother to a blithering mess on the floor next to her brother.   
"What are we going to do?" Ron asked, his voice was cracking a bit.   
"I suppose it would be very cruel to leave them both here to their own devices. They will operate mentally on the level of infants for several hours and when they come to, they won't even know who they are. It would be very cruel to leave them here like that, indeed." Said Hermione. Snape simply extended his arm again. The three friends took it and apparated out of the funeral home with a loud pop.   
ooo  
"Ms. Granger, suffice to say I suppose this situation is resolved. I don't ever want to see that spell used again, Potter." Snape warned him darkly and Harry simply stared at the ground.   
"I don't know how many laws we all broke, professor. I'm so sorry it was a mistake to bring Harry and Ron. I don't think I know what I thought would happen--"   
"Stop it, Ms. Granger. The situation resolved itself, and I see no need to go on reporting the incident. I wouldn't want a documented use of a curse I invented, regardless."   
The three gasped. "You mean--" Harry began only to be cut off by Snape.  
"That's right, Potter. I am the half blood prince." Snape sneered as he turned his cloak to exit the corrider. The trio started walking to their own common room, exhausted from such an eventful day.   
"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Harry asked and Hermione started crying as they approached the portrait of the fat lady.  
"It was a disaster..." Hermione said.   
"I thought it went quite well," Ron counteredbb.   
Hermione laughed in spite of herself, Harry put an arm around her and they took off to their common room.  
"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Asked Harry as the three piled onto their favorite couch.  
Hermione reached into her pocket and cupped her fingers around her pill bottle. "I think I'm all talked out, Harry. I just want to take a shower. Harry nodded, and Ron squeezed her shoulder. Hermione turned to leave but ran back to her friends first and hugged them both tightly. They hugged her back and watched her descend around the corridore.


	6. Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, I'm just going to go ahead and post this one. These are rough drafts of my story, I'm going through the entire thing with a fine tooth comb, creating different scenes, I have some very wonderful beta readers helping me improve upon this story but honestly have no idea how long it will take to get it to where I like so I'm leaving this version up as well. If you ever get confused about constant updates here or on fanfiction.net it's because I'm constantly trying to make this better when I'm not satisfied with it. Thanks everyone :)

"Hermione!?" Ron shouted the eleventh time that afternoon, he snapped his fingers in front of her face, and her head popped back up. 

"How many of those bloody pills did you take this time?!" Ron demanded  
Harry and Ron had been watching over their friend for the next few days. Suffice to say she has returned to previous coping mechanisms. Unbeknowest to them, Hermione awoke from nightmares to flash backs of Robert. She was feeling extremely distraught and conflicted about her actions at her father's funeral. She didn't want to think about those things. 

Hermione popped 7 pills without constraint, and at this point her loopiness was impossible to hide from her friends.  
"Ron, stooop, I just wanted to sleep." Hermione slurred as her head lulled and her eyes began to flutter closed.  
"Oh no you don't! I don't know how many you took, Hermione, come on stay up!" Ron said and shook her awake.  
"Oh no, how long has she been like this?" Harry asked as he descended from his dorm.  
"I'm not sure, I just woke up and found her here maybe 15 minutes ago?" Ron informed, Hermione drama has become more and more normal to the two as the days went on.  
Hermione mumbled in gibberish and at this point her friends were really terrified. Hermione had been stoned out of her wits since the morning of her father's funeral and it's been increasinly difficult to hide this from the other Gryffandors and teachers.  
They even had to tell Ginny about her habit. Though, out of respect for Hermione, the two said it only started when her father died. She had checked on Hermione periodically for the last two days for Harry and Ron.

"Hospital wing?" Ron asked.

Harry hesitated, "they're liable to expel her. Let's just take her to the bathroom and make her throw up." He suggested. 

Ron paused in the high way, but glanced towards the hospital wing with a stern expression. "Harry, she could be really fucked up this time," he argued. 

"Ron, I think we can do this without jeopardizing anything else that's important to Hermione. We're her friends we were supposed to help her with these things. We shouldn't have let it get this bad, and I think we can fix this. We'll make her throw up, keep her awake, and take those pills from her. Just trust me." Harry pleaded.

Ron looked like he was considering for a minute.

"Ron we owe this to her. Look at her, she doesn't need to be expelled after ruining her life and losing her father in the same year!" Harry persuaded.

Ron looked like he still had reservations but pulled Hermione into Myrtle's bathroom along side Harry. 

They pulled her into a stall, and Ron winced and faced the other direction as Harry stuck his fingers down her throat and they both revolted as Hermione vomited purple liquid and a few fragments of rectangular pills. 

Hermione heaved and coughed as Harry sat on the floor exasperated next to his friend who crossed his arms in front of his knees and was waiting for their friend to be responsive. "This is ridiculous, this has gone too far. We need to get those goddamn pills from her." Harry said, Ron nodded in agreement, they didn't notice Hermione had heard him.

"I'm fine, it was a slip up!" Hermione interjected surprising both of her friends. 

"Hermione, you can't keep relying on those pills to get you through the day. Me and Ron are here for you. We'll help you, please, please stop this!" Harry begged, tears were brimming his eyes and Hermione felt awful.

"Harry, no. You don't understand. You have sooo much to worry about! You can't focus on me, I can't keep coming to you every time I have a problem. I can't be that burden on your life. You have so much to deal with, Harry. I'm not lying, I'm not desperate, I'm not crying for help. I was trying to protect you from this, Harry! You too, Ron! Leave me be!" Hermione demanded, she faltered getting up and her legs wobbled like a new born baby dear. 

"Stop that! I'd never think of you as a burden! I'm supposed to save the entire goddamn world from Voldemort, Hermione! How do you expect me to do that if I can't even stop one of my best friends in the entire world from killing herself right in front of me?! You know how many people I've lost. Now you know what it feels like to lose someone important! Why would you do that to us? Just let us help you, Hermione! I know how you feel." Harry said. 

"You don't, though, Harry! You're so strong! You're the strongest person I know! You never had a crutch, not when your relatives hurt you, or when you lost Sirius!" Hermione was crying quite heavily at this point.

"Hermione, even if that were true, you shouldn't compare us." Harry said, he looked like he was considering something. "I've had crutches I hid from you as well." He whispered, and Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look!" He shouted and ripped his pant leg up revealing several angry fading scars littered all over his ankle, Hermione gasped. 

"It started getting bad when Sirius died, I did it a few times prior to that. I was always embarrassed of it and too ashamed to bring it up to you and Ron, but that only made it worse. Even after Ron caught me I was so deeply ashamed I made him swear to me to never breathe a word of it to you. I was so embarrassed, I was so worried about being judged. I promise, I know how you feel. Just believe me that you need us to help you." Harry finished, rolling his pant leg down in shame.

"You knew about this?" She said turning to Ron. He was very very pink and uncomfortable. 

"I'm sorry, Hermione. He's right, it did take a lot of convincing for me not to tell you." Ron admitted timidly.

"Will you please give us your pills?" Harry asked his tone had softened.

Hermione sighed and reached into her robes pocket and begrudgingly dropped the bottle in Harry's hands. 

"Thank you. I promise, Hermione, we're all in this together. You're ours, we're yours. We don't think any differently of you for this. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you would have done well to tell us about it sooner. I understand why you didn't, though." Harry said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you, I don't know what I did to deserve you." Hermione said her tears subsiding.

"What did you do to deserve that family? Come on, Hermione. That was awful." Ron said shaking his head.

"It's over now. And I think we should focus our efforts on voldemort." Hermione lectured. She really didn't want her family or problems ever brought up to her again. 

"Hermione, we're afraid if you don't talk to us about it, you'll just keep sneaking pills behind our backs." Harry confessed, covering his ankle. 

"That's not true!" Hermione argued.

"Then can you hand over the ones you're hiding?" Harry said through clenched teeth.

"How did you know about that?" Hermione asked.

"I had a hunch." Harry said firmly.

" It's just an emergency stash, what am I going to do if something awful happens?" She begged. 

"Talk to us." Ron suggested. 

"Ron, please. You don't understand what it's like remembering. Can't I just keep a few?" Ron and Harry exchanged glances. 

There was a moment of silence as the boys thought of a compromise and Ron piped up.

"You'll never have as many as 7 on your person at any time." Ron assured his tone snippy, Hermione felt as though she was just scolded by Mrs. Weasley herself. 

"Fair enough." Hermione said.

"You can hold on to one. If you need anymore ask me or Ron, we'll hold the rest of them for you." Harry rationalized. 

"Guys, isn't that ridiculous?" Hermione said.

"Not half as ridiculous as talking to paintings in the common room because you OD'd on xanax and your little chemistry projects." Harry said gesturing towards Hermione's little bag she was gripping tightly to her chest by this point. 

Hermione sighed and released all but one of her pills and her potion to her friends possession. 

"How did you know about my drought?" Hermione said.

"You gave me and Ron some the night you told us everything." Harry reminded. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant to scare either of you." Hermione said, tears were starting to flow freely down her cheeks.

"It's okay Hermione, we're not mad, we're worried. Whatever you do decide to do, just promise you won't go sneaking around our backs anymore!" Harry said. 

"How are we to know you won't do the same?" Hermione asked. 

"Hermione, he's not on trial right now." Ron chastised.

" No, that's fair. We've both been keeping secrets that we all owe to the other to know. I don't like it. No one else is going to do that, understood? From now we tell each other if something may hurt us." Harry reasoned.

"No offense, mate. But in my experience with keeping either of you from killing yourselves, that's a tall order to uphold." Ron said skeptically. 

"We make a vow." Harry proposed.

"you don't mean--" Hermione said her eyes widening.

Harry grabbed hermione's right arm, "Hermione, I love you. I love you so much, I have since the day I saw you. I'm never letting you get hurt again." Harry confided.

"Harry, the unbreakable vow is very serious, with all we have going on I just don't know if that's a very smart idea." Hermione explained.

"I like it. Hermione, you can't go on deceiving us. Look at where lying to us got you, you could have died. I'm with Harry" Ron crouched over the pair and hovered his wand above their hands, they both looked pleadingly at Hermione.  
Thinking about it she supposed Harry could never lie to them about his scar, or any other ridiculous situation he had gotten himself into. Perhaps this was the best for the three of them.  
"You have to tell us why and when every time your scar hurts, you have to tell us if you ever want to hurt yourself again, as well. Any time something life threatening happens," Harry nodded in agreement before she finished her last sentence and a thin ribbon of fire danced out of Ron's wand and around Harry and Hermione's forearms pulling itself tightly amongst their skins. Hermione was surprised of the pleasant warmth the string of embers offered before there was a jolt of good sharp sting.  
"No more lying to us when someone is hurting you, even yourself." Harry stated his teeth were clenched and voice was strained. He was eager for the bind to break to relieve the stinging on his forearm, and tried to keep his requests short and to the point. With a flash of light the binds disappeared and the deed was done.  
ooo  
The next morning was the trio's first day back to classes. Hermione hastily readied herself and popped both of her xanax as she descended downstairs.  
She realized it was a bit early and hoped she could grab some breakfast and possibly be at her first class without her friends realizing she had taken both of her pills again, she almost swore to herself as she saw them try to catch up behind her.  
The walk to breakfast was probably one of the most normal she's had in days. As the three sat down to their meal, Ron stuffed his face, while harry tentatively picked at his food and examined the marauders map beneath the table. Hermione was sure he was looking for Malfoy again as he was no where to be seen. Hermione felt relieved that everything was returning to as normal as it could get for the best friends of the chosen one. She sighed contentedly and rested her head on Harry's shoulders. Harry didn't even look up from the map as he took a bite of his cereal and stroked her hair. The two were becoming increasingly comfortable with physical gestures of love as the days were going on, seemed like.  
Hermione stayed by Harry's side, as he tried to prove Draco was a death eater, as he tried to discover the identity of the half blood prince, and as Dumbledore died. Ron and Hermione were there for Harry as much as they could be.  
At his funeral Ron squeezed Harry's shoulder and Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry, as he stroked her hair. Ron and Harry both noticed she was much more distraught now than she had been at her own father's wake.  
The three left side by side and Harry held onto Hermione's hand and pulled him into their first kiss. She pulled away blushing. "I'm so sorry, Harry I don't know what I was thinking."  
"If you wanted a xanax you could have just asked." Harry winked.  
"well, now that you brought them up," Hermione said.  
"Yeah, yeah, I have them." Harry said making a reach for his pocket.  
Harry dished out the medicine and rolled Hermione's fingers over her tablet and pulled her back for a kiss himself. "I told you I always loved you."  
"I thought we couldn't keep secrets." Hermione said raising an eyebrow.  
"It's not a secret if I'm only realizing it."  
"I love you, too." She admitted.  
Ron shifted uncomfortably, and was about to take off when Hermione grabbed both of their hands. "We can't come back here, can we?" She whispered sadly.


End file.
